An Afternoon in the SL,UT

Saturday, August 29th

An Afternoon in the SL,UT

photos/models: (with Instagram tags!)

Jeffers Corn - @iamgangster 

Brandon DelBianco - @waitwhatdelb

Allie Hustle - @alliehustle

Dear mean bitches,

I've been having a hard time lately.

Some days are good and some days are bad. What makes it all worse, I know I do it to myself. I don't have to feel this way, but I do.

I can remember being a little 4 year old with big hopes & dreams of being recognized for my achievements at an early age. I gave myself a deadline. My 4-year-old-self gave my adult-self a deadline to be successful - to be a millionaire by 24. Obviously, looking back now I realize how far-fetched this dream was, but, I also have to commend little Allie. She was ambitious and it pains me to say, over the past year I've suddenly lost this ambition.

This year, I'll be 24. I think that's why it's all hitting me so hard right now. I haven't acted in almost a year, which is what I was going to school for. I've been writing and recording for a mixtape, which has taken the back seat due to, well, life. I just know that I haven't been myself lately, and I'm tired of that.

I grew up in conservative Texas, moved to conservative Utah when I was 15 and grew up in a (somewhat/mainly) socially liberal family. I was conflicted by my surroundings and by what my family taught me and that was very hard for me.

I lived in a society where moms stayed at home. My friends mom's would wake them up, make them breakfast, take them school and pick them up. Granted, there were several exceptions to this standard but it was the norm for most of my friends. Dads worked, dads traveled and dads were the breadwinners.

That wasn't the case for me.

Both of my parents worked, really fucking hard. My dad would wake up at 4:00 am every morning to get to work, so, my mom would get us ready for school, make sure we ate and dropped us off on her way to work. On days she had to be there early, I would take the bus. Dad would make dinner, mom got home after 6:00 pm and that was that. That was my normal.

Kids are brutal, though. I can't tell you how many times my friends would make comments about how weird it was my dad cooked dinner every night. But it got worse.

My mom took a new job when I was in 6th/7th grade, which required her to be in New York City every Monday - Friday. She wanted to be close to family so instead of going east to make it easy on her, we moved to Utah after I finished 9th grade.

All I wanted growing up was to fit in. I was the new kid and with that title, it isn't easy. Luckily, I had cheerleading to put my time and energy into, along with taking out my frustrations. It was a true blessing to have my coaches looking out for me, with the few teachers I actually respected, along with my amazing parents and family. I was never alone but I felt that way for a long time.

It was hard in high school to be in a town that was mainly Mormon and not exactly accepting of people who are different, aka me and my family. Girls and their moms (mainly from my cheer team) would make comments about my mom being absent for certain events, or how it was strange that while everyone had cheer moms, I had a cheer dad.

Right now, I'd like to take a sec a give a big FUCK YOU to all of those bitchy girls & their sad moms that I knew back then. Thank you for being so mean to me. You gave me my drive to be better.

I was bullied, very equally, by boys and girls. I don't know how I made it through some days, but I did. I'm still here and I'm still fighting. I still deal with bullies and it still makes me sad. You just have to remember to focus on the good, put your energy where it belongs and spend time with people who enjoy spending time with you!!!

I'm not sure where the passion went, I know it's still inside of me, I just haven't been searching for it hard enough lately. Remembering what got me to this point is a great starter, though. If you're reading this and you can relate, just remember that you aren't alone! Life is hard, people are mean but you have to enjoy what you've been given because it's all we know! This world is beautiful. Even if it can be pretty shitty, find the beauty in the shit!!

And for the record, I have the best parents in the entire world. We struggled for awhile to see eye-to-eye, but I know now that everything they did was to ensure I could live my dreams one day. They are two of the most incredible people I've ever met and I'm so lucky they support my crazy antics. They always have and I know they always will.

Anyway, you're not alone. You never are! If you feel that way, talk to me. Please. Life is too precious to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to about your experiences!! Always remind yourself that.

Fashion Update:

New fave shoes - from: Inu-Inu

&Like I said earlier, if you need someone - talk to me! 

Here are my social media sites:

Instagram

Tumblr

WeHeartIt

Twitter

Soundcloud

Thanks 4 listening.

pys,

allie ♡

But Officer.. They were fuckin w/ my squad.. & I'm professional.

Halter: O-Mighty 

Happy Sunday, my loves!

Yesterday was so amazing! Spring is finally in full swing & warm weather is swarming the Salt Lake Valley. 

I went on an adventure with my boyfriend thru the Bonneville Shoreline trails in the mountains yesterday. Being able to disconnect with the city & enjoy nature is what keeps me sane on the weekends. 

Having a full time job is exhausting and can be really demanding throughout the week. We all have to stop and remember to breathe deep sometimes. I've been having such a hard time with the transition from student -> professional lately. 

I finished college (after 5.5 years) about 6 months ago. There were periods of time where I was back and forth between wanting to work part-time and wanting to be a student full-time. Now, I'm a full-time talent booker/agent/VO director at the most reputable and longest running talent agency in Salt Lake City. ~ McCarty Talent Agency. ~

I love my job & love how much information I'm learning that I can carry with me for the future. I've always wanted to work in the entertainment industry, & I'm finally doing it!! Which is why I studied acting & film at the University of Utah & have been performing as a rap artist - Allie Hustle (<<link 2 my SoundCloud). 

BUT there is one thing that is really trying and hard for me. Being an artist but not feeling like it because I've been putting myself 2nd. I don't act at all anymore, as well as rapping - I haven't been writing new material or recording because I don't have the drive after I get home from work. I just want to melt in my couch. 

I know, I know. Get motivated, don't be lazy, don't let your life get lived away... Anyway, I don't want you to read this and think I'm complaining and being miz.

 I LOVE my job. I LOVE my coworkers (aka - family!!). I LOVE the people, opportunities and projects I get to work with every day.

But... your early 20s are a really hard time in life! If you've already been through it, I know you remember. & If you haven't yet... let me just break it down for you. ~~~ You constantly face questions like, "am I making the right decisions?" or "will this decision get me to where I want to be in the future?"

It's really fucking scary & really fucking hard on your little body! 

I wanted to write this in hopes of connecting with others who feel like me. I was so out of my element that I actually ended up in the ER a few weeks ago. I suffer with migraines v often & have ever since I was a baby but this time it was different. My body physically didn't feel like it could manage to heal itself, so I got help. 

That's what I hope I can get across. Take care of yourself, u guys! We all go thru the same things (somewhat!). We need to connect and help each other thru it. So that's why I'm here, writing this to you! If you feel sad or not motivated, talk to me! I go thru those feelings constantly & daily. Don't ever feel like you're alone, because you aren't. 

♡ 

(P)huck (Y)o (S)tandards,

allie

Importance of Passion in Life

I'm in the process of getting rid of my >old< blog, so I'll be posting some of my favorite posts from it on this new one. Thx 4 sharing these experiences with me! It helps me keep going every day. ☺ 
I hope you find something in here you can relate to. ♡ 

Passion is one of the most important elements of life, to me. As I get older, I’m realizing that my passion for art, acting, music, writing, dance, fashion, photography, drawing – you name it, it’s what drives me to wake up and be a better person. I truly believe that art is one of the most beautiful and positive things that humans have created, and by using it right – we can change the world.

Becoming an adult sucks. I mean, it’s alright, but seriously hard AF. Having a full time job can take a lot out of you too, which has been the story of my life recently.$Money$ is, unfortunately, so important in today’s society if you want to live comfortably. It’s just as important to remember to find a job that you love doing.(because it is possible to love what you do & make a living doing it!!!!!)However, when your expensive taste has you feeling more stressed about not being able to buy clothes off the runway than paying rent, there is a situation.(>_<)

Anyway, ^ that’s ^ another post right there – back to passion. You have to find it in yourself, even if there is nothing in sight, you have to keep searching. It’s in you & it’s in all of us. Don’t be so quick to judge yourself with your art. Let it happen and the people who respect you as a human will show their support, no matter what! There will be others, though, ones who will never be your fans or supporters. That’s just fact. Once you know that and accept it, it will be much easier to appreciate the support of others who support you(!!!)

I haven’t written anything in a long time because I’ve had no inspiration. That changed last night. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment – but as I watched The Rap Sheet documentary on Netflix & heard The Game talking mad shit on 50 Cent for being a snitch, I had something – passion & inspiration.

So, I wanted to share it with you.

To anyone who has been fooled by a trusted source for some length of time.
To anyone getting back on your feet after someone knocked you down.
To anyone who believes in the right thing. To anyone who believes in art.
To anyone who believes in human connections and irl peace.
But especially, to you, because you’re a fuckboy.

Poem to the Poser:

Poem to the Poser, won’t make it hard to tell.
Keep flowing mistruths, I know those lies well.
Forever strong, was the front you kept. So I keep my distance with depleted respect.
Respect never earned and all fake accomplishments yet –
all I’m seeing is bullshit and I ain’t even a vet.
Put jokes aside, ur swag makes me cry, I’ll remember every lie, I’m glad ur out of my life.
I’m staying high all the time, so this is goodbye.
Posers can’t win and I’ll never die.

pys,
allie