When does fear become courage?

Have you ever had a shitty week? How about a whole shitty month? Obviously, it's nothing you can avoid if you're human. But, the important question to ask yourself is how do you plan to move forward? How do you continue when things in your life start to change so drastically?

I've always heard, "It's how you react to change that determines what kind of person you are." It's true, change is the only thing in life you can pretty much count on - besides death & taxes. It's never easy, but almost always necessary. You can choose to have negative feelings towards it and you'll almost surely die with your misery and heartache, or, you can choose to let it affect you and run with it. Eventually, you learn to live with it.

But how many of us can say that we've been given a clean slate?

I feel like I've had a clean slate before, when I was 15 and moved to Utah from Texas, or when I was 19 and made the decision to keep my distance from the city I once called home. Whether it's healthy to adopt that kind of attitude, I'm not too sure, but it works for me. The only difference is this time, I have a clean slate with no plan.

I will say, I'm lucky that I have such a dope family that catches me before I fall flat on my ass. I was unexpectedly given a clean slate, but I was lost in the chaos before I actually saw it as that.

I was 17 when I graduated high school, turned 18 in August of that year and moved out of my parents house, into my dorm, a week and a half later. Fast-forward 5 years later, brokenhearted after a bunch of tumultuous relationships and unfortunate circumstances, continually told the person I am, was not an appropriate personality for me to have; I had two semesters left of college and had just been hired full-time at a local talent agency. Adulthood was coming at me in full swing, my love of art was completely unfolding, and my burning desire to constantly create was and is stronger than ever. I decided school wasn't helping me get to where I wanted to be. So, I followed my heart.

I did my best and worked my ass off, but something was always missing. This past year, my depression had reached an overwhelming point - though, of course, you don't see it when you're living it. I honestly don't know what caused the initial spiral (there's a long list), I just know I fell deep and I fell fast.

I'm a worrier. The stay-up-all-night, make-yourself-physically-sick type of worrier. I've had anxiety since I can remember, which inevitably shuts my body down every few months and I suffer from physical illness. I wish I could explain it well enough but I remember one day when I was 3 or 4 years old, and for the first time I started to wonder about my future. Except it wasn't pleasant daydreams - it was panic. A fear of what was to come settled in my brain that day and has never left.

My question for you is: what would you do, RIGHT NOW, if you had a clean slate? Would you see the world? Would you pick up and leave or would find something new in the city you're in?

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

In the meantime, I hope 2016 brings you lots of love, happiness and satisfaction. Oh, and btw - you can have your clean slate whenever you decide to start living again.

PYS,
alliehustle

Btw - I have an interview for my dream job today. I've started creating, designing and producing my v own art projects and I couldn't be more content! You can see/buy them at www.alliehustle.com ! Send me good vibes!!! (:

High School in Utah as a new, non-Mormon kid.

This original article inspired me to write about my experience going to high school in Ogden, Utah. I encourage you to read it: here, as a back story for the thought behind my writing. Another thing I will add, this is a generalization of the mass majority in my personal experience. There are always exceptions.

I talk about my move from Colleyville, Texas to Ogden, Utah a lot, because I moved when I was 15. I moved at a pivotal point in my development, when I had grown up with my best friends in Texas since pre-school and Kindergarten. I started high school with them, only to leave after my Freshman year. It was rough.

I remember the culture shock vividly. I remember coming home from school and being on the phone with my mom, who traveled for business every week, bawling my eyes out, begging her to let me go home. Her harsh words of, "you ARE home" struck me to the core and took a long time for me to accept.

Being the new kid sucks. I hated it because I felt like it gave people a reason to talk about me behind my back. I always felt like an outsider and I really never understood why. Besides the fact my new classmates, for the majority, had all known each other since childhood, there was another element that made them not as easily accepting of new friends to their already-established "crew." 

When I finally started to meet people and make friends, usually their first question was always, "which ward are you in?" To which my reply was always, "which fucking what?" It didn't dawn on me until much later, that I was seen as "different" because of my and my family's religious views. 

My parents knew it was important to instill good morals and faith in my life. I was baptized Methodist when I was a baby. We went to church every major Christian holiday and a few Sundays here and there throughout the year. I went to children's Bible study, while my family continued through the adult service; while my Grandma was in the church choir, every single Sunday. I'm happy I had that structure when I was younger. I think it's important for any kid to have access to that information, so they can make their own informed decision on what they believe later in life.

I will say, by my junior and senior year, I had a solid group of friends that were not Mormon, but we all felt the same shame most religious people not-so-discreetly threw at us. "You're such a good person, why are you not Mormon?" was a statement I heard frequently and could never avoid. Almost as if some of my friends didn't understand that good natured people could be anything BUT Mormon. I even had friends who invited me to their family's home for dinner, only to surprise me with missionaries who wanted to stuff their beliefs down my throat. If I had to give it a name, it was religious bullying - on top of regular, mean-spirited, high school bullying, it was a lot to take in.

Last summer, I stumbled into a Facebook group/invite that was for my 5-year high school reunion. Was I invited personally? No. But when I started to lurk through the pages to find it was a "family" event and spouses and children were welcome, I literally wanted to vomit. It's not just one type of religious person in Utah that wants to settle down by age 22, but it's the culture of this state as a whole. Definitely influenced by one religion.

For the most part, my close friends in high school were not extremely religious. I try to keep in touch with my best girlfriends, but we've all diverged on such different paths that it's hard to keep a conversation flowing these days. I'll always have a soft spot for them, but I can't relate to their lives anymore. Had you asked me at age 17 if I thought all my friends would have children and either be married or "settled" by age 24, I would have laughed in your face. Now, I shudder in disbelief that it actually came true. Don't get me wrong, I have mad respect for the people I went to high school with who have started families and are insanely happy - but that's never been something I've wanted in my early to mid twenties.

I'm stoked on life. I have no responsibilities, except going to work, paying my bills and taking care of myself. I can get up, pack my shit to leave tomorrow and spend a month in Europe, if I wanted to. I can switch careers if I'm not loving what I do. I have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend, where our #1 commitment is to support each other and Netflix & chill every weekend. I can live my life the way I want. But the hardest part is when I see these people now, and they genuinely feel bad for me. I see it in their eyes. The stigma here is that because I'm 24, childless and not engaged, I'm miserable - and when that is a constant theme around you, maybe you start to believe it yourself.

I can only hope that the people I speak about in this blog post will one day realize their lack of education and ignorance. A lot of people in Utah are good-natured in their hearts, but the unawareness and nonacceptance of other types of people and happiness is damaging. I've dealt with the repercussions first-hand and I've taken one major life lesson from it - BEING DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL.

SHIRT: OMIGHTY

(P)HUCK (Y)O (S)TANDARDS,

allie ♡

LOL, u fake.

Have you ever had to deal with a compulsive/pathological liar? Have you ever been friends with someone for years, had a gut instinct about it, but never paid attention? I have.

Let me tell you, crazy bitches are NOT worth it.

I think when I finally started to realize the inconsistencies in her actions was a few years into our friendship. When I broke my phone, she would claim, "oh don't worry - I have a guy for that." When I locked myself out of my car it was always, "oh yeah no problem - I have a guy for that." When the water pressure was low in my apartment complex, and I just needed to vent - it was always, "I have a guy you can call for that."

I will only skim the details, I will spare you by not delving into all the shady shit I ignored. I blame myself for being so open, trusting and naive about the situation, alas, you live and learn. Sometimes after its too late.

The worst kind of people in this world are ones who claim to be something they are not. Or people who use and abuse good qualities in other people. Whether they take your ideas, use them as their own to get ahead in life, or take advantage of you - when you start to realize that, it's time to walk away.

I've never been an extremely confident person, I may not put off that vibe but it took a long time before I actually started to believe I was confident. I always second-guessed myself, when it came to my interests, especially my fashion choices. When I started to gain confidence and realized that dressing differently than people around me is what made me happy, I started to go for it as much as I could.

"Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery" may be true, but it's also the lamest crock of shit I've ever heard. While it's awesome to be influenced and inspired by people, completely ripping them off is a cowardly move.

I guess my message to you all, is to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. We all have things about us we don't necessarily love, but if you learn to appreciate it all for what it is, you'll live a much happier life!

Be yourself, love yourself. Quit being versions of other people, there's only one you - that's something to make you feel special.

me being trash, but still being me.

PhuckYoStandards,

allie

An Afternoon in the SL,UT

Saturday, August 29th

An Afternoon in the SL,UT

photos/models: (with Instagram tags!)

Jeffers Corn - @iamgangster 

Brandon DelBianco - @waitwhatdelb

Allie Hustle - @alliehustle

"Imminent Rape Victim"

Friday, July 31st, 2015 - 4:08 pm

Dumbfounded. 

That's probably the only word that comes to my head in situations like this.



I, sometimes, really secretly hate venting over the internet - but weird shit happens to me a lot and I'm hoping that someone, somewhere will benefit from me sharing my experiences. I'll get to the point, I promise, but I'd really like to share my story with you.

Let me start with some basics to get you up to speed; I work in a professional environment in the entertainment industry. Yes, it's not your 'typical' professional environment, since the photo above showcases my usual wardrobe - which varies on a day-to-day basis. Also, it's the entertainment industry...

The multitude of extreme personalities I interact with on a daily basis are something else, I am positive that I could not accurately describe it.

Most days, I can hang but there are a handful of days that something happens and the atmosphere alters my mood. Don't get me wrong, I feel very lucky to earn my living in an industry I've dreamed of working for since I can remember. I'm also incredibly lucky to work for someone who encourages dreamers and creative types to pursue their passions, persevere through hardships and to always stand up for what you believe in. Most importantly, I get to go to work everyday and be myself.

I know very few people who get to say that.

Getting to express myself through fashion is one way that has helped me as I've struggled with depression for the past few years. It is something I hold very close to my heart because I believe expressing one's individuality is an important feat in life. I experiment with different options because I have fun doing it. Not to mention, I live in the conservative state of Utah. People act the same, people dress the same and people pretend they all like the same things. So yes, sometimes I overcompensate for feeling stuck in this cookie cutter place - but who the fuck is anyone to judge!

Life is about going through shit. Well, it's pretty much all we do while we're here - we just go through shit. Whether you're in a high point and going through good shit, or if you're at a low point and going through bad shit, we are all experiencing life.

All I really expect from other people I interact with on a daily basis is coexistence. Especially when it's at work. We don't choose who we interact with at our jobs, so to me, it seems very logical to be as considerate as possible when dealing with other people I don't necessarily know too well. That's just me.

Today at work, my world shifted because of someone else's actions. It may have seemed so minuscule in their world, but it absolutely shifted mine. 

I get a lot of looks and overhear old (& young) people say some nasty comments behind my back about my choice of style. It gets to me, sometimes, but I have to remind myself that those people are so sad and small-minded if they feel comfortable to bring down others about something they don't understand.

The conversation when anyone walks in my office is always personably professional. Yesterday was different. 


The conversation:

Man: *mumble* "What have you got on? What is that you're wearing today? That's an interesting outfit..." *mumble*

Me: "Yeah, well, you know how Fridays are. I woke up late, I threw something together and here I am!"

Man: "You look like an imminent rape victim."

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I have experienced things that I wish I hadn't. What makes those things even harder, is when other people throw them in your face - even if it's unknowingly. 

Rape is not a joke. It is not taboo and it is not a subject to take lightly. 

Rape is something that needs to be addressed, it needs to be talked about and it needs to be discussed. Whether you're a man or a woman - if this is a something you're having a hard time with, please know you are not alone. 

I don't want to spend a lot of time discussing this subject at the moment. Maybe in the future, I'll be able to shed more light and spend more time discussing the facts. That's just not something I'm ready to do at the moment. However, if you are reading this, thank you - whether you can relate to my situation or you are educating yourself - thank you.

Be that as it may, it would be really fucking silly for any of us to dwell on those instances for the rest of our lives. We can't change them. But, you can learn. Taking knowledge from those situations and moving forward is all you can do. If you are able to take what you learn and explain it to others so that they, too, learn from your experiences, honestly - what else can we ask for in a person? 

I value our existence very much. Regardless if we agree or disagree about how life came to be and what it all means, I think it's safe to say that most of us can agree it's a beautiful and special thing we are experiencing. I believe that every person has the right to do what makes them happy, unless you're harming others or affecting other people, places and things in a negative way, then I think you're a shitty person.

Please be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Why be the person that makes it worse for someone else? 




Spread love, always.

♡allie

Had 2 Make A Couple Bands By My Lonely ♡

This has to be one of my favorite outfits I've put together! 

I've always been inspired by 90s grunge fashion, which I try to incorporate into most of my wardrobe. Growing up during the Kurt Cobain days and looking up to Kate Moss on the runway have definitely influenced my style. 

Choker - Harajuku Alien

Mesh Dress - High Finds

Shorts - The Cobra Shop

Socks - Nikki Lipstick

Shoes - ShopJeen

Make the rest of ur week Gangster AF!!! 

Much love & pys,

Allie ♡

#BBHMM

What did you guys think of the #BBHMM video?! Rihanna came up with the concept & directed the vid herself. I was super stoked that I recognized @sitabellan in the vid - she is one of my go-to IG girls for fashion inspo. 

Congrats, Rih Rih! You successfully told the story of a bad bitch, female gangster. Finally. Someone did it justice!!!! I'm so with it.



*side note update*

Can we talk about Rihanna's White House look? Phresh Off Tha Runway in Stella Jean. & BTW Rih would make a really good Olivia Pope. 

Her style slays.

H&M looks

Need to step up your internet, street-style attire for an affordable price?

H&M has all of your basic needs for Summer/Fall 2015.

My wardrobe has always been minimalistic. I like to be comfortable but I like to look different than everyone else, as well. I like to take simple, universal looks and add my own flair.

One of the things I focus on for my wardrobe are staple pieces, whether it's a lipstick color, a shoe that pops or a tube top. Try new things, you may surprise yourself! Staple pieces are articles of clothing or accessories that contribute to your final overall 'look' and can be worn diversely. They should draw people's attention to your outfit. 

My look today was inspired by 90s grunge and street styles of the internet. I paired the basic black dress with my black bra - your bra can be an accessory these days too! 

By pairing the sandals with my black socks, it really added to the grunge look for me. Socks are my favorite accessory, so you will usually catch me trying to pair every outfit with a dope pair. I added my purple tattoo choker for a pop of color! 

Shop my outfit: 

Dress, Sandals : H&M

Socks : Ralph Lauren

Choker : TrillTreasurez

pys,
Allie ♡

Phuck Yo Standards

Mean girls got me here ~ & I have to thank them all. You are all the fuel to my fire within. ♡

-> Ask me ANYTHING! Let's chat about life <-

I have been around a lot of mean girls in my life. Mainly, because I used to be one of them and all my friends were too. Oh Tina Fey, how you understood my teenage life, so, so well!

But before you make a presumption and stop reading - hear me out! 

Though, I can't say I've been perfect 100% of the time - angel emoji - I have learned so much. All I want to do is share what I've learned with other people. In hopes that someone can read what I write and relate, or someone can see a different perspective and have it change their own. My point is, for me, my existence is not to try to alter your thought process without your permission or to convince you I'm right. It's for me to vent, to understand and to find others who feel the same.

Anyway. Girls are vicious and they always will be. Give or take the handful of amazing girls I keep in touch with and always will, but I've never been the type of girl to hang around with tons of other girls.

In high school, I was new and that was hard. On top of not knowing anyone, being in complete culture shock moving from Texas to Utah and troubles adjusting to this new lifestyle, I was lucky I had something to fall back on. I started cheering when I was 8 and quit after I graduated high school. I had practice 5 - 6 days a week, every week. It forced me to socialize with girls who had similar interests to me, which was something I needed at the time.

While I started to make friends, I also started to make enemies. I'll spare the boring details but I want to share one story about bullying that I hope anyone can gain a different perspective from. I was 16 and like any other teenage girl, I was boy crazy. Growing up in a predominately conservative society, pre-martial sex is strongly looked down upon. Being different than going by the book is strongly looked down upon. Being myself, who is loud, curious, aware, open and accepting - I had an extremely hard time understanding why people wanted me to be someone I wasn't at all.

It all hit me the end of my Junior year. I remember the night like it was yesterday. I had been getting in to a lot of trouble. My best friend was a year older than me and about to graduate, as was the boy I was dating. I was sad and lonely. Over high school completely but still had another year in front of me. I was with the boy I had dated on and off my Sophomore and Junior year. He was driving me home after a night he bought take out for both of us and we went to his dad's house to watch movies and talk about the future.

My phone rang as we neared my neighborhood. It was my mom and she was frantic and emotionally upset, yelling over the phone and telling me to get home as soon as possible. She told me to use the front door, instead of the garage which was how I always got in the house. I asked the boy to speed up as we neared my street, I was worried, he was worried - I didn't know what I was walking in to. "Text me as soon as you get in your room," he said as I closed his car door and ran around the house to the front door.

The porch light was on, as well as my parent's bedroom light inside. I braced myself and took steps closer to the door. I noticed a pile of trash on the porch, as I got closer my mom opened the door before I could even get a grip on things. "Someone rang the doorbell and ran off. They left these for you," as she pointed to the trash on the porch. She started to cry and ran off to her room, leaving me in a complete daze. I walked over and picked up the trash. To my lovely surprise, it was a test tube of lube, condoms and douche bag. And I'll tell you - at this point, all I could think was that the stupid, blonde, mormon bitches that did this and made my mom cry, need some dick in their life.

"People don't like what they can't understand."

^^It's something I have to remind myself often!^^ 

Anyway, the point of this story is that you can't let bullies keep you down. They may hit you where it hurts, but it's because it's the easiest thing for them to grip on to and bring you down. Only small people will take your insecurities and throw them in your face. The best thing you can do? Sit back, smile and remind them how successful you are from hard work. Mean people don't win, remember that always.

Fashion has been one way for me to completely express MYSELF, inside and out. & I love being able to share my stories and share my fashion with you all. 

How amazing is this dress?! Anything vintage, grunge, punk, street has been my sauuuuce lately. I got this patchwork dress from DollsKill - follow them on insta or check out their site because they always have awesome deals.

Thanks for reading and remember ~

Phuck Yo Standards,

Allie 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Pretty Puke 4 Mishka

♡

pys,

allie

Shop My Styles on Poshmark!

I'm selling some new & pre-loved items on my Poshmark! 

Shop my styles |----> here <----| !!!!!!

Here are some things up 4 sale right now:

O-Mighty - 'But Officer... They Were Fuckin With My Squad' Gray, Crop Halter - $25

YRU - Holographic Odyssey Platform Sandals ~ Size: 8 - $85

Pleated Cheer Skirt - Size: Small - $45

High-Waisted Denim Shorts ~ Vintage Levi's ~ 420 Pocket - Size: 1/2 - $36

alliehustle@gmail.com - for inquiries! 

pys,

allie  ♡

Di$COUNT UNIVERSE ~~ ♡

Rihanna will forever be my #1 fashion slayer icon... While, Miley is staying up there too!

Rih Rih stepped out in this amazing dress from Discount Universe last night. It reads, 'You Will Never Own Me,' in the front & 'I Will Never Fear You' on the back. Get it!!! This is from their 2014 MBFWA Runway Collection. 

(source: Necole Bitchie)

I discovered Discount Universe around this time last year and I'm always so inspired by their amazingly unique collections!

&&Who can forget Miley's sick photo shoot in her tie-dye Discount tee??

So if you haven't already, check out Discount Universe!! Bc for any millennial, cyber babe living in the digital era - it's a must.

Check them out - Di$COUNT UNIVERSE ♡

pys,

allie