Fear is a really strange thing. It's most definitely my least favorite thing to talk about, so getting through it always takes time. But it is strange, isn't it? All of our reactions are so completely unique. Some are crippled by it, while others are immune to it. Why is that?
This time last year, I had just turned 24 and was already fully immersed in a dead-end job that I hated. I felt as though the city I was in didn't have much else to offer and mostly, I felt stuck. A lot could have been worse, but being in your 20s and feeling like your life is over is outrageous. Unbeknownst to myself, I had already made my bed and those around me were going to make sure I was going to lie in it. That they did.
I was living back in my parents house, with little direction as to where I was going next. As the Universe would have it, their on-the-market-for-3-years house finally sold and I had little time to make a decision. My brother opened his couch in San Francisco and it felt like I was on the next plane with no plans to come back.
I landed a dope job at a company I was crushing on before I even sent in my application, and a killer deal on a room in San Francisco - the MOST expensive and sought after city in the United States, all within a month - it felt meant to be.
As time went on, I learned how much I absolutely hated living in SF. I fell in love with my career and I fell out just as fast. By the end of Summer, I knew it was time to move on. So that's what I'm doing.
The worst part is that I feel like I'm being driven by fear. I'm conflicted, confused and have no sense of direction. Everything I thought I wanted or knew changed, almost overnight. Now, I don't know what my dream is and I feel forever jaded.
How do you find inspiration once you've lost it? Where do you go?
One word to describe where I am in life right now - lost.
