I've always heard, "It's how you react to change that determines what kind of person you are." It's true, change is the only thing in life you can pretty much count on - besides death & taxes. It's never easy, but almost always necessary. You can choose to have negative feelings towards it and you'll almost surely die with your misery and heartache, or, you can choose to let it affect you and run with it. Eventually, you learn to live with it.
But how many of us can say that we've been given a clean slate?
I feel like I've had a clean slate before, when I was 15 and moved to Utah from Texas, or when I was 19 and made the decision to keep my distance from the city I once called home. Whether it's healthy to adopt that kind of attitude, I'm not too sure, but it works for me. The only difference is this time, I have a clean slate with no plan.
I will say, I'm lucky that I have such a dope family that catches me before I fall flat on my ass. I was unexpectedly given a clean slate, but I was lost in the chaos before I actually saw it as that.
I was 17 when I graduated high school, turned 18 in August of that year and moved out of my parents house, into my dorm, a week and a half later. Fast-forward 5 years later, brokenhearted after a bunch of tumultuous relationships and unfortunate circumstances, continually told the person I am, was not an appropriate personality for me to have; I had two semesters left of college and had just been hired full-time at a local talent agency. Adulthood was coming at me in full swing, my love of art was completely unfolding, and my burning desire to constantly create was and is stronger than ever. I decided school wasn't helping me get to where I wanted to be. So, I followed my heart.
I did my best and worked my ass off, but something was always missing. This past year, my depression had reached an overwhelming point - though, of course, you don't see it when you're living it. I honestly don't know what caused the initial spiral (there's a long list), I just know I fell deep and I fell fast.
I'm a worrier. The stay-up-all-night, make-yourself-physically-sick type of worrier. I've had anxiety since I can remember, which inevitably shuts my body down every few months and I suffer from physical illness. I wish I could explain it well enough but I remember one day when I was 3 or 4 years old, and for the first time I started to wonder about my future. Except it wasn't pleasant daydreams - it was panic. A fear of what was to come settled in my brain that day and has never left.
My question for you is: what would you do, RIGHT NOW, if you had a clean slate? Would you see the world? Would you pick up and leave or would find something new in the city you're in?
I'll let you know when I figure it out.
In the meantime, I hope 2016 brings you lots of love, happiness and satisfaction. Oh, and btw - you can have your clean slate whenever you decide to start living again.
PYS,
alliehustle
Btw - I have an interview for my dream job today. I've started creating, designing and producing my v own art projects and I couldn't be more content! You can see/buy them at www.alliehustle.com ! Send me good vibes!!! (:
