Friday, July 31st, 2015 - 4:08 pm
Dumbfounded.
That's probably the only word that comes to my head in situations like this.
I, sometimes, really secretly hate venting over the internet - but weird shit happens to me a lot and I'm hoping that someone, somewhere will benefit from me sharing my experiences. I'll get to the point, I promise, but I'd really like to share my story with you.
Let me start with some basics to get you up to speed; I work in a professional environment in the entertainment industry. Yes, it's not your 'typical' professional environment, since the photo above showcases my usual wardrobe - which varies on a day-to-day basis. Also, it's the entertainment industry...
The multitude of extreme personalities I interact with on a daily basis are something else, I am positive that I could not accurately describe it.
Most days, I can hang but there are a handful of days that something happens and the atmosphere alters my mood. Don't get me wrong, I feel very lucky to earn my living in an industry I've dreamed of working for since I can remember. I'm also incredibly lucky to work for someone who encourages dreamers and creative types to pursue their passions, persevere through hardships and to always stand up for what you believe in. Most importantly, I get to go to work everyday and be myself.
I know very few people who get to say that.
Getting to express myself through fashion is one way that has helped me as I've struggled with depression for the past few years. It is something I hold very close to my heart because I believe expressing one's individuality is an important feat in life. I experiment with different options because I have fun doing it. Not to mention, I live in the conservative state of Utah. People act the same, people dress the same and people pretend they all like the same things. So yes, sometimes I overcompensate for feeling stuck in this cookie cutter place - but who the fuck is anyone to judge!
Life is about going through shit. Well, it's pretty much all we do while we're here - we just go through shit. Whether you're in a high point and going through good shit, or if you're at a low point and going through bad shit, we are all experiencing life.
All I really expect from other people I interact with on a daily basis is coexistence. Especially when it's at work. We don't choose who we interact with at our jobs, so to me, it seems very logical to be as considerate as possible when dealing with other people I don't necessarily know too well. That's just me.
Today at work, my world shifted because of someone else's actions. It may have seemed so minuscule in their world, but it absolutely shifted mine.
I get a lot of looks and overhear old (& young) people say some nasty comments behind my back about my choice of style. It gets to me, sometimes, but I have to remind myself that those people are so sad and small-minded if they feel comfortable to bring down others about something they don't understand.
The conversation when anyone walks in my office is always personably professional. Yesterday was different.
The conversation:
Man: *mumble* "What have you got on? What is that you're wearing today? That's an interesting outfit..." *mumble*
Me: "Yeah, well, you know how Fridays are. I woke up late, I threw something together and here I am!"
Man: "You look like an imminent rape victim."
I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I have experienced things that I wish I hadn't. What makes those things even harder, is when other people throw them in your face - even if it's unknowingly.
Rape is not a joke. It is not taboo and it is not a subject to take lightly.
Rape is something that needs to be addressed, it needs to be talked about and it needs to be discussed. Whether you're a man or a woman - if this is a something you're having a hard time with, please know you are not alone.
I don't want to spend a lot of time discussing this subject at the moment. Maybe in the future, I'll be able to shed more light and spend more time discussing the facts. That's just not something I'm ready to do at the moment. However, if you are reading this, thank you - whether you can relate to my situation or you are educating yourself - thank you.
Be that as it may, it would be really fucking silly for any of us to dwell on those instances for the rest of our lives. We can't change them. But, you can learn. Taking knowledge from those situations and moving forward is all you can do. If you are able to take what you learn and explain it to others so that they, too, learn from your experiences, honestly - what else can we ask for in a person?
I value our existence very much. Regardless if we agree or disagree about how life came to be and what it all means, I think it's safe to say that most of us can agree it's a beautiful and special thing we are experiencing. I believe that every person has the right to do what makes them happy, unless you're harming others or affecting other people, places and things in a negative way, then I think you're a shitty person.
Please be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Why be the person that makes it worse for someone else?
Spread love, always.
♡allie
