High School in Utah as a new, non-Mormon kid.

This original article inspired me to write about my experience going to high school in Ogden, Utah. I encourage you to read it: here, as a back story for the thought behind my writing. Another thing I will add, this is a generalization of the mass majority in my personal experience. There are always exceptions.

I talk about my move from Colleyville, Texas to Ogden, Utah a lot, because I moved when I was 15. I moved at a pivotal point in my development, when I had grown up with my best friends in Texas since pre-school and Kindergarten. I started high school with them, only to leave after my Freshman year. It was rough.

I remember the culture shock vividly. I remember coming home from school and being on the phone with my mom, who traveled for business every week, bawling my eyes out, begging her to let me go home. Her harsh words of, "you ARE home" struck me to the core and took a long time for me to accept.

Being the new kid sucks. I hated it because I felt like it gave people a reason to talk about me behind my back. I always felt like an outsider and I really never understood why. Besides the fact my new classmates, for the majority, had all known each other since childhood, there was another element that made them not as easily accepting of new friends to their already-established "crew." 

When I finally started to meet people and make friends, usually their first question was always, "which ward are you in?" To which my reply was always, "which fucking what?" It didn't dawn on me until much later, that I was seen as "different" because of my and my family's religious views. 

My parents knew it was important to instill good morals and faith in my life. I was baptized Methodist when I was a baby. We went to church every major Christian holiday and a few Sundays here and there throughout the year. I went to children's Bible study, while my family continued through the adult service; while my Grandma was in the church choir, every single Sunday. I'm happy I had that structure when I was younger. I think it's important for any kid to have access to that information, so they can make their own informed decision on what they believe later in life.

I will say, by my junior and senior year, I had a solid group of friends that were not Mormon, but we all felt the same shame most religious people not-so-discreetly threw at us. "You're such a good person, why are you not Mormon?" was a statement I heard frequently and could never avoid. Almost as if some of my friends didn't understand that good natured people could be anything BUT Mormon. I even had friends who invited me to their family's home for dinner, only to surprise me with missionaries who wanted to stuff their beliefs down my throat. If I had to give it a name, it was religious bullying - on top of regular, mean-spirited, high school bullying, it was a lot to take in.

Last summer, I stumbled into a Facebook group/invite that was for my 5-year high school reunion. Was I invited personally? No. But when I started to lurk through the pages to find it was a "family" event and spouses and children were welcome, I literally wanted to vomit. It's not just one type of religious person in Utah that wants to settle down by age 22, but it's the culture of this state as a whole. Definitely influenced by one religion.

For the most part, my close friends in high school were not extremely religious. I try to keep in touch with my best girlfriends, but we've all diverged on such different paths that it's hard to keep a conversation flowing these days. I'll always have a soft spot for them, but I can't relate to their lives anymore. Had you asked me at age 17 if I thought all my friends would have children and either be married or "settled" by age 24, I would have laughed in your face. Now, I shudder in disbelief that it actually came true. Don't get me wrong, I have mad respect for the people I went to high school with who have started families and are insanely happy - but that's never been something I've wanted in my early to mid twenties.

I'm stoked on life. I have no responsibilities, except going to work, paying my bills and taking care of myself. I can get up, pack my shit to leave tomorrow and spend a month in Europe, if I wanted to. I can switch careers if I'm not loving what I do. I have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend, where our #1 commitment is to support each other and Netflix & chill every weekend. I can live my life the way I want. But the hardest part is when I see these people now, and they genuinely feel bad for me. I see it in their eyes. The stigma here is that because I'm 24, childless and not engaged, I'm miserable - and when that is a constant theme around you, maybe you start to believe it yourself.

I can only hope that the people I speak about in this blog post will one day realize their lack of education and ignorance. A lot of people in Utah are good-natured in their hearts, but the unawareness and nonacceptance of other types of people and happiness is damaging. I've dealt with the repercussions first-hand and I've taken one major life lesson from it - BEING DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL.

SHIRT: OMIGHTY

(P)HUCK (Y)O (S)TANDARDS,

allie ♡

LOL, u fake.

Have you ever had to deal with a compulsive/pathological liar? Have you ever been friends with someone for years, had a gut instinct about it, but never paid attention? I have.

Let me tell you, crazy bitches are NOT worth it.

I think when I finally started to realize the inconsistencies in her actions was a few years into our friendship. When I broke my phone, she would claim, "oh don't worry - I have a guy for that." When I locked myself out of my car it was always, "oh yeah no problem - I have a guy for that." When the water pressure was low in my apartment complex, and I just needed to vent - it was always, "I have a guy you can call for that."

I will only skim the details, I will spare you by not delving into all the shady shit I ignored. I blame myself for being so open, trusting and naive about the situation, alas, you live and learn. Sometimes after its too late.

The worst kind of people in this world are ones who claim to be something they are not. Or people who use and abuse good qualities in other people. Whether they take your ideas, use them as their own to get ahead in life, or take advantage of you - when you start to realize that, it's time to walk away.

I've never been an extremely confident person, I may not put off that vibe but it took a long time before I actually started to believe I was confident. I always second-guessed myself, when it came to my interests, especially my fashion choices. When I started to gain confidence and realized that dressing differently than people around me is what made me happy, I started to go for it as much as I could.

"Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery" may be true, but it's also the lamest crock of shit I've ever heard. While it's awesome to be influenced and inspired by people, completely ripping them off is a cowardly move.

I guess my message to you all, is to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. We all have things about us we don't necessarily love, but if you learn to appreciate it all for what it is, you'll live a much happier life!

Be yourself, love yourself. Quit being versions of other people, there's only one you - that's something to make you feel special.

me being trash, but still being me.

PhuckYoStandards,

allie